FIIIISSSHTAAANK!!

Unfortunately our trip to Nha Trang and Mui Ne coincided with a major Vietnamese holiday, being two major destination points, literally half of Vietnam descended on these coastal resorts meaning big bucks and big crowds. undeterred, we were determined to have our big night and so after a brief vorspeil (!!) at our room set out in search of free buckets. By our second bar and under the over enthusiastic direction of a newly acquired English friend we settled for a fish tank, which boasted a variety of spirits but failed to mention the principle ingredient- ice cubes. Attempts at pool disintergrated and somewhat worse for wear we headed for the local club. With varying degrees of success we arrived, E in an epic fandangle with the power tripping bouncer, D indignantly continuing to don the anorak after a sneaky capture from Steeley, the latter of whom for no apparent reason was on the back of a motorbike. Needless to say much fun was had...

The following morning, nursing our hangovers we attempted to order breakfast in a local cafe-come-limo showroom- some with more success than others... with visions of an english brew, hotly anticipated after a seemingly successful negotiation with the waitress, D, was not impressed with the cold, bottled, green, tea...with milk on the side. Unlike everyone else at the table.

In anticiaption of some good old dirty fun, as promised by the lonely planet, we set off to Nha Trangs mud baths with the mayhem of Vang Vieng in mind. As we arrived it seemed every Veitnamese family had had the same idea and after being presented with the 'menu', dreams of mudfights soon vanished- we realised we'd got the wrong end of the stick. We soon embraced the highly regimented approach to mud bathery which involved the six of us wallowing in an awkward shaped bath full of watery mud. Picture the two of us plus the four lads dubiously watching the mud level rise whilsts trying to fit all our limbs in - made for 6 westerners it certainly was not...needless to say testostorone kicked in and steely ended up fully submerged with the vietnamese atendent unamusedly pouring ladels of water overhead. The next challenge was to get the mud off - not easy in a large comunnal shower packed with vietnamese men. The programme continued with a series of water 'experiences'; an eextremely and uncomfortably hot lpunge pool followed by jet spray track inot whihc you were packed, accompanied by a suspiciousy peey smell and much too many people. By the time we'de got to the 'waterfall' all a bit watered out and hungry, the 30degree 'swimming pool' was no longer attratcive especailly after Patrick had accidentally wandered inot the kiddies pool...not pleasant.

After saying our farewells to a fellow jungle beacher we and the two norweigen boys boarded the routine nightbus to Mui Ne. we were met by an uncompromising dictrator of a conductor who assigned us totally randomised seats ona deserted bus ruining our epic card game plans. on hearing a disgruntled grumble from the group he frantically began shoving A off the bus, but after shameless grovelling and an extensive ego massage, we said our farewells and departed for our seperate ends of the bus. After strking a deal with other disgruntled tourists we relocated and preceded to spend a frustarying hour endlessly circulating NT as the bus slowly filled..
With yet another 4am arrival we stumbled along MNs one neverending road and eventaully hailed a rare and impossibly small taxi. After stuffing it to 3/4 full with our bags we piled in; R, D and E vertical in the back seats with A pulling the short straw and lying horizontilly across us, feet out the window.

While making a plan for the day we'd been forwarened about the an important premiership match which was to be missed under no circumstance. This in mind we split up; the boys lingering in the vicinity, us managing to get bambozled into an extorionate ride to MNs famous sandunes. whilst it was a massive expanse of sand - a massive expanse of sand it was. The much anticipated sand boarding turned out to be little more than plastic sheets on a shortish slope - seen better in norfolk mate...By the time we'd arrived at the more exotic red sand dunes, it was dark. Not wanting to prolongue the humilitation, we prematuirely ended the trip and headed home for the hotly anticipated (!) match. Embarked on our laddiest night yet, with pool (attempts), darts, football and beer and then wined and dined at a beachside eatery. The combination of hilarious typos (grilled sally anyone?), even more absurd service (at one point our waiter sat down with us while he took a phone call - mid order..) and general banter made this our favourite place in Mui Ne - as the night drew to a close and we were the only guests left, the friendly waiter not so subtly motioned it was time to pay and leave. Keen to continue the night we headed for Mui Ne's one and only club. As we entered, we heard the roar of 'i'm a wizard'- we later deduced that if you drink your height in beer cans and then tape them together into a wizards stick... Wax indeed defines you as a wizard. After a couple of beers we conked out on the beach under the stars and unwizarded decided to call it a night.
Next stop Saigon.

Jungle Beach

Whilst on the nightbus some guys (boys if you're reading, big X) mentioned they were going to an eco resort that we'd heard word of on our travels. it being a 4am drop off, we ahd to decide pretty sharpish whether we wanted to go. Our sense of adventure reawakened, in a true D and R decision making sesh - we decided were in. After being shaken awake we stumbled off the bus on to the dark and seemingly deserted highway. In true vietnamese style, five moto drivers suddenly materialised and after futile attempts at bargaining, we jumped aboard. Feeling very top gear we rode five abreast through the vietnamese countryside, clasping our helmets and cowering behind our drivers as each vied for first place. After a brief tour, we were left to sit on the beach and watch the sun rise and have a morning swim. By day break, with tummy's rumbling, we decided it was definitely time for breakfast, despite the 6am clockface. Wondering through the coconut palmed gardenswe sat down for our first communal meal where we met other early rising guests.


Most our days were spent on the beach, a vast expanse of white deserted sand, shallow turquoise waters complete with back drop of mountains and rustic bamboo shade makers. With warnings of Vietnams hottest sun from yesterdays lobster-like burn victims and the boys penchant for competitivie sport, we swoon realised this would this would be no girly sunbathing session. Manning up, we embarked on epic games of water volley (ahem catch) and a serious tournament of volley ball (with much disputed and enforced rules and regulations) Needless to sa, we girls effortlessly and tirelessly ballsed up each adn every attempt at a game plan... By the second day, having exhausted the ping pong table, 'surfing' and various beach games, the boys appeared with a dubious looking pudding shaped 'boat' with the nightwatchmen running behind them. After establishing that this undersized boat definitely wasnt water tight they rematerialized several moment later with a larger model, still worryingly made from woven bamboo. Needless to say, as the three boys enthusiastically leaped in, the boat sunk, simultaneously unleashing a hoard of ants. This in conjunction with the incoming tide of jelly fish put an end to our sea fare for the day. Confined to the shade for much of the day, Most of our time was spent with the moose cards and president estlishing itself as the favourite game (unfortunate for D as she found herself the unrivalled bum). After another fantastic communal meal, ignoring the everpresent tide of tofu and aided by the much loved Chil-e sauce, we were craving something sweeter. After exhausting the intriguing miscellaneous column in the honesty book, we realised wer would have to fend for ourselves and set off on a tuck mission along the beach eluded to by the amused vietnamese cook. With headtorches in tow, we navigated ourselves through the local vilagers' fishing area. eventually, amid stares and points we stumbled across a collection of dusty shops. And, under the direction of the eager shop keepers and held hostage by a pack of mental dogs, we went a bit nuts and proceeded to buy half the shop. When we arrived home to 'our lounge', a somewhat colonised common room we inspected our purchases; lobster infused crisps, chocolate cigars, coconut peanuts, wafers, oreos, bottle of red wine, chubachuba, and chocorolls- star item with no chocolate to be seen, cheakily half filled with creramy shit not to mention the worrying merry millenium emblem on the packet. After some quiet nights of bonfires and mid night swims the next morning we all clambored into a hideously expensive mini van and music blaring, set off for Nha Trang- the Vang Vieng of Vietnam.

Hoi An

As ever the vietnamese nightbus didnt go 100% according to plan -

though we been repeatedly reassured that after a 17 hour bus journey the stop over in hue would only be 10mins - of course it ended up being 5....24 hours later we arrived in Hoi An and immediately secured our plushest accomadation yet (thankyou white sheets and plasma screen).

We'd been forwarned that the town was majorly touristy given its reputation as the best place to get anythign from clothes to shoes to bags custom made. despite the hoards of tailor shops advertising 'boyfriend blazers' and western orientated bars...we totally fell in love with the place. (perhaps not surprising after greyer hanoi and hue). By nightfall the towns streets and river were lit by colourful paper lanterns and fairylights and as it was the weekend, openair theatres and music sprung up making an enchanting atmosphere.


After a delicious seafood meal we made use of the various happy hours and set out in search of the lonely planets' recommend nightclub - king kong. at first we'd thougt we'd missed it, indeed it turned out to be a small room dominated, filled almost intirely by a pool table - we duly made friends with the two other guys there, embarking on a game of pool and an old fashioned chat. after several games, in which we invariably potted as many white/black balls as the ones we were aiming for.(the free shots didnt help) with the hope of king kong eventually filling up dashed by about 1am - we decided to check out Beach Bar. lakcing better judgement we climbed onto the boys'mopeds and after a near collision with a lampost (R this time) and a shaky moment on a sandy road, we arrived at a somewhat fuller club. embarking on some epic table football we soon found ourselevs chatting to some brazilian guys who lived in danag, an hour north, and played for the vietnamese 'soccer' team. by 3 a'clock, tired freom our night bus, we decided to call it a night and caught the somewhat safer free night shuttle home..



the following 2 days were spent, eating deliciuos food and being totally overwhelmed by the endless possibilities that custom made tailoring presented. (turns out the whoel process is really very stressful!) by the third day, a little shopped out, we rented bicycles and explored the more rural riverside community and then 5k out to the local beach - our first in 2months!! While debating what to do with valubkles and how to circumnavigate the extortionately prices deck chairs, we bumped into the brazillian guys (to whiom money wasnt so much of an ish thanks ludicris football wages) and got some wave action with body boards.



on the final morning enchanetd with hoi ans culinary delights we decided to learn the tricks of the trade and embarked on what turned out to be a cooking course for two.